The Agrinautica

   Today I was injured at work. Grieviously! )= You see, Bob and I like to set goals and then try to beat them. Today we set a very ambitious goal -- we valiantly accomplished it, but I was injured in the process. )=
   More on that towards the end of this entry, for you know, suspense purposes.


   The other day we were up for contract renewal with a local water company. They asked us for several references, so Dave gave them several local school districts, the airport, other big contracts. They called back a few days later and said "You know, usually when we call references, we get a lots of 7s and 8s ... every one of your references we called gave you a 10!!" In conclusion, we are awesome.

   We used to have another technician, Ryan the Younger, who worked for us for about a year before he left to go visit Japan for a bit. Upon his return to the states, he returned to his native Modesto, California. There he has gotten a job a a supervisor for a pest control company. In conclusion, even our most junior employees are qualified to be supervisors at our competition. In conclusion we are awesome.

   Incidently, our senior technician, Ryan the Older ("one of the highest paid people in pest control) is more than qualified to run his own pest control business. Thats why Dave pays him really well and buys him a truck for christmas. (=


   Yesterday Bob and I killed some honeybees for a lady who kept on rambling all like "So do you guys ever get bit? I'm so afraid of getting bit! The pest control guy got bit! I knew someone who got bit and died!! ..." Bob and I both tried to ignore it as long as we could, but she just kept talking about bee bites. Finally Bob was like "You know... honeybees are physically incapable of biting" "what??" "Bees sting. You know, with their stinger." "What?! Just a minute!" She goes back in her house to consult with her husband, comes back out a minute later "But the pest control guy that was here got bit!" "he got stung ma'am" "but.. I know someone that DIED of a bee bite!" "It was a bee sting. 1% of the population is extremely allergic to bee stings." Even after this she still snuck in one or two references to bites.
   Seriously though, I thought it was like, the most basic knowledge that bees sting. I mean, cartoons always portray them flying around stinging people. How can you not know that bees sting?!? How can you know someone that died of a bee sting and STILL think it was a bite???



   But yeah so about my injury. This morning after we'd done about three jobs I believe, we were informed that we did not currently have any more jobs lined up. So Bob and I went to a nearby park and found some shade. "Lets see if we can sleep here for the next three hours!!" said Bob. "Thats pretty ambitious, don't choke!!" said I. Miraculously, our phone did not call with another job until two hours and fifty minutes later (we valiantly stayed in the park for another 11 minutes to make our goal). In the process of this, however, the shade moved, leaving me asleep in the noon sun for at least an hour before I noticed. I got horribly burnt!!! )= Its a dangerous job!


Picture of the Day

Iowa, or maybe Nebraska

   Driving down to Dave's on the Fourth, I saw my first ex, Elena. It was totally like seeing a ghost. I would have pulled over asap to say hi ... but right there where I would have was a motorcycle cop, so it didn't seem like a very bright idea.


   Anyway, on the Fourth of July, AKA Fuck the British Day, I made it to Dave's after the thoroughly distracting Elena incident. He was grilling up some hot dogs and burgers and tri tip, so that was excellent. Had some of the beer we'd brewed in January, it was pretty good.

   From there I went to my coworker Jeremy's (And coworker Bobby's, since Bob lives next door to him). There they were also bbqing and for some reason hellorz young people live on their street, so there were a lot of people there. Jeremy had had to keep his own partying under-control all day since he was 2nd in line of being on call -- since we work 24/7 365/yr.


   This morning at work we called some people Dave knows who are in the bee research business to see if we can drum up a research project for ourselves. Then we sat around tryiing to decide what to do since no calls were coming in. But by midday it picked up and I roamed around with Jeremy killing shit.

   Then this afternoon me and Bob spent our time conducting espoinage. We called all the other pest control companies in the phone book that looked like they might deal with bees and pretended to be customers, to see how their prices were and how on the ball they were. Nearly all were more expensive than us. One said it was $110 to kill normal bees and $180 for africanized bees ... which is funny because they're all a hybrid around here, and it takes a scientist with a microscope several hours to really figure it out. I figure they get people thinking its gonna be $110 and then raise it to 180 when they get there. Someone else said a swarm of bees could be "from the size of a baseball to the size of a car" (WHAT?!?!!). And finally I thought it was funny that Bob was describing his imagined bee problem to a technician and they guy was all asking about the fireplace, but when he got off the phone I was like "you were thinking bees in the canned lightinig weren't you" "yeah." Silly technician.


Picture of the Day

Texas

Tustin Naval Air Station, CA -- Members of the 63rd Regional Readiness Command stationed at the old Tustin Naval Air Station recently found themselves caught unready when africanized honeybee forces invaded their base and fortified positions in two corners. The garrison found itself unable to repel the incursion and eventually called for reinforcements.
   Thats where I come in.

   Today for the first time I came across bees which I would classify as Africanized. The militant insects had taken up camp inside an ammunition box in one corner and a large freight container in another.

   Now the thing with africanized bees, which is kind of obvious in retrospect, is that since they are the same species as other honeybees, they can and do interbreed. "Africanized" ("killer") honeybees were introduced to the Americas in 1956 when an experiment went awry and 26 African queen bees were released in Brazil. All africanized bees in the Americas are descended from these initial 26 queens. And since they've been interbreeding the entire time from Brazil to here, they're not really all that different.
   Certain research indicates that 70% of the feral bees in Orange County are to some degree "Africanized." A fact that can scare the bajeezes out of some people, but in reality its pretty much a moot point. The practical affect is that sometimes certain colonies will have retained the genetic directives to defend their colony with the enthusiasm attributed to "Africanized bees."


   Today I was standing about fifteen feet from the ammunition box the bees had inhabited. Usually I'm fine that far away so I was just wearing my usual t-shirt & pants. Shortly after Bob started gassing the bees however I suddenly had half a dozen in my hair. Before I could get a veil on I got three stings. A few minutes later when I walked to where our on-site contact was watching 200 yards away to ask him a question, bees followed me the whole way (which is extremely unusual).

   At the container it was decided they'd use a forklift to lift the container so we could remove the comb from underneath. So this sergeant drives up this massive forklift that kind of reminds me of a mastadon. He places the forks right on top of the container and fastens them to the container with chains, and then lifts the container.
   As we watch he lifts the container, but after about a minute the chains snap and the container slams down.
   Next he puts the forks under the container and lifts it up that way, and then places blocks of wood under it as an added precaution. We're still a bit wary but we set about removing the honey as fast as possible. The colony was fairly big and totally loaded with honey.



Picture of the Day

The abovementioned colony under a conex box.

In the foreground is some sort of insecticide bomb the military unsuccessfully employed to defeat the bees.

   Today a fireman came home to find bees in his chimney. Being a fireman and all, he decided to light a fire to defeat the bees. The bee colony did indeed catch on fire, spewing embers onto the roof. Then the roof caught on fire.
   Being a fireman, the guy sprung into action, and sprayed his roof with foam, putting out the fire.
   Our man Bobby arrives on the scene to find the roof smoldering and covered in foam. The firefighter instructs him to take the bee colony by storm. He is somehow successful despite the smoldering hole in the roof, but returns covered in soot and foam.
   In an unrelated event Bobby got a $100 tip the other day. I guess it all equals out.

   And what's with people thinking they can "smoke the bees out." Just about every time we have bees in a chimney people mention they either attempted that or thought about doing that, or ask us if thats what we're going to do (even on non-chimney calls we get asked if we're going to smoke them out a significant amount of the time). I suppose people got this notion from a vague recollection that beekeepers use smoke on their bees. However, it seems to me that anyone that recalls that, should also recall that beekeepers aren't trying to kill or drive away their bees. Beekeepers are trying to pacify their bees.
   You see, applying smoke to bees essentially makes them think they their home is on fire. This makes them distracted and disinterested in stinging you. When your home is on fire no amount of stinging anyone is going to save it. (They're concentrating on preparing to evacuate). However in a stroke of real bee genius, the procedure for preparing to evacuate is to gorge oneself on the honey (to take it with you), but they invariably gorge so much that they can barely fly anymore. Anyway, the bottem line is smoking is not done by beekeepers to drive their bees away, and its not gonna work for anyone else either. You'll burn your roof off first.


   In other news, today I applied for a job as a United States Foreign Service Diplomatic Security Special Agent. As it requires that one either have a bachelors degree or be within nine months of getting one, I think its officially the first job I've applied to with my anticipated degree as a qualification. I'm not really expecting to get it (what with 100-120 special agents being hired at this time nationwide) but figured I might as well apply. After scrutinizing the application I was rather suprised to find that I was fully qualified. It sounds like it would be a pretty excellent job if one got it.


   Also, yesterday we jostled a property management company with 14 apartment complexes away from a competitor ("Busy Bee") because we were more responsive than them.
   Also today I earned the company $150 by hopping and batting an abandoned wasps nest off a carport with my hand. Including driving time that was probably about $30 a minute for us (it was right on our way to a different location).


Picture of the Day

Alexis the French Guy playing chess at Diedrichs

   When I ride around with Bobby, his truck has no CD player, nor even a tape player, so we are stuck with the radio. I've found that he usually ends up with it on this hip-hop station most of the time. Now I've never been fond of this kind of music, but I had managed to avoid it heretofore at least enough not to realize they only ever have like three songs in their rotation. There's the song where every line ends in "me" (oh now there's a clever rhyme), the one where 80% of the lines are "go 'head girl get down," and the one where the singer is talking about the slimey ass pickup lines he uses (though in context he acts like he's the shit). Also, how can any female be into this music?? -- every single song on the hip-hop rotations is ridiculously chauvinistic and sexist.

   With Jeremy the fair is more varied because he has a CD player and we usually listen to his CDs, which tend to be in a generally indie direction. Once we committed mass bee murder to the postal service.
   Anyway, since Jeremy has a CD player and decent musical taste, I thought I'd burn a CD of my favourite music for us to rock out to on occasion. So I selected a variety of what I consider to be some of the best songs ever written. In the order they are on on the CD I made (which is very roughly in order of best to 22nd best, but arranged to space out songs by the same artist as much as possible), they are:

1. Flogging Molly - Selfish Man
2. Against Me! - Pints of Guinness Make You Strong
3. Dropkick Murphys - Drinking and Driving
4. Momsex - Zombies vs Pirates
5. Bloodhound Gang - I Hope You Die
6. Cocksparrer - Take `Em All
7. Cockney Rejects - Oi Oi Oi
8. D Generation - Hatred
9. Flogging Molly - Devil's Dance Floor
10.Against Me! - Walking Is Still Honest
11.Dropkick Murphys - Which Side Are You On?
12.Momsex - Necrophilia (A Metaphor)
13.Flogging Molly - Tobacco Island
14.Dropkick Murphys - Irish Stout vs German Lager
15.Momsex - Stuart
16.Flogging Molly - The Worst Day Since Yesterday
17.Dropkick Murphys - Do Or Die
18.Flogging Molly - Another Bag of Bricks
19.Dropkick Murphys - Boys on the Docks
20.Flogging Molly - Black Friday Rule
21.Flogging Molly - Drunken Lullabies
22.Dropkick Murphys - Gonna be a Blackout Tonight

Picture of the Day

Previously on Emosnail
   Two Years Ago Friday: The Last Time I Saw Brianna LeMay & Carissa Romanini - They randomly showed up at Diedrichs one day. I think I hadn't seem them in nine months and I haven't seen them since. I'd really like to get back in touch with them.
   Two Years Ago Yesterday: Being xHoney.Bee.Corex - if only I knew, eh? Manned a booth for the OC Beekeepers Assn at the OC Faire.
   Year Ago Friday: Show at Jesska Ornstein's House - Jack Bighead (Robin Kivlin's band) plays. ambiguouscase and eatrice are also there. Also I poll Emosnail readers to see how well they are paying attention: only a little over half of you got the sea lion's name correct (Bolderic), readers overwhelmingly indicated that Kristy "possesses breathtaking beauty," and most of you totally failed to guess where my father and his father before him were born (Rio de Jeniero, Brazil, NOT Kilkenny, Ireland. Sheesh).. and more.
   Year Ago Today: R.I.P. Eric Bartrum - and polls indicate that most readers (35.7%), if they were to name Bolderic the Sea Lion a name other than Bolderic, they would name him "Trogdor of the Sea," followed by "The Sneak" (21.4%).

   We were looking for 114 Cabrillo, Costa Mesa. On one side there was a gas station, a completely uninhabited looking square building, an empty lot, and cheap houses. On the other side there were some businesses, and then cheap houses. We drove right past the uninhabited building at first because it looked, well, uninhabited. Looking at the addresses though we concluded 114 was either that or the empty lot. I was beginning to think it was a crank call or something. We called the contact information and a woman confirmed that it was the uninhabited looking building. Despite this we still felt incredulous. The building was small and square, all the windows were closed and shuttered and didn't look like they'd been opened in awhile. There were no signs of life anywhere on the building.
   Bobby went to the door and talked to a lady inside. When he returned he reported there were "numerous asian women making purses inside," and that when he asked the lady who'd come to the door if it was a business or a residency (you get the picture yet that it REALLY didn't look like a normal inhabited structure?), she seemed to have to think about it before hesitently saying it was a residence.
   We removed a swarm of bees from a tree right outside its entrance.

   Needless to say, I think there's a fairly good chance its a sweatshop. I seriously think I just might make an anonymous tip to the cops.. maybe in a week so it isn't obvious it was one of the bee guys that came today. Someone remind me in a week, if you think I should.

   As I mentioned the other day, I've been riding around with Robert "Bobby" Wagner. "Robert Wagner" as it turns out is also the name of the actor that played "Number Two" in the Austen Powers movies.
   This morning we removed bees from the chimney of an elderly woman in Newport Beach. After we'd done the paperwork and were just preparing to leave she came running out signalling us to come back. She handed Bobby a peice of paper with the actor Robert Wagner's signature on it. She gave it to him.
   If Bobby was MY assistant I'd totally call him "number two."


   I guess the other two new assistant technicians had also noticed that $2000/mo will probably be less than the same hours at $10/hr. Consequently the boss, David Mardner, told us today he'd keep us at an hourly wage rather than the monthly salary ... but he doesn't want to pay the time and a half that is required for hourly wage-earners working more than 40 hours a week, so we'll all be capped at 40 hours a week.
   That means I'm done for the week today after four days of work. That also means we can't earn more than $400 a week, whereas the salary would've been $500 a week. Even if it means I'd likely be frequently making less than $10/hr with the salary, I could earn 20% more. I really don't mind the long hours -- so far its seriously been kinda fun out there. So I think I might ask if I can be put on the salary when I get back on Tuesday.

   On that note, I will be heading up to Santa Cruz for the weekend (Friday evening through Monday evening) for my cousin Chelsea's wedding (her and her fiance: figure 1, figure 2)

Picture of the Day - (more relevant to the year ago today than to today)