The Agrinautica

Random People

` Like I promised the other day with the wildly successful expose on Girls Named Amie/y, today we will focus on random people. Conveniently for this purpose, random people, and The Social Deviants Who Frequent the CoHo in particular, featured strongly in adventures of these two days previous.


SOCIAL DEVIANTS WHO FREQUENT THE COFFEE HOUSE
` My place of employment is of course the Coffee House (CoHo), where I am a cashier. There are three prominant social deviants that come immediately to mind, The Fatigue Guy, Tharen, and Visor Lady. None of these people really appears to be a bum, or at least I've never thought of them as such, but they are definitely social deviants to say the least.
` So first off there's Fatigue Guy. He wears army fatigues and carries a big stick. Interestingly enough Fatigue Guy, recognizeable to most students last year in his green army fatigue pants, was seen last summer and earlier this year in different, desert storm style army fatigues. I don't remember what he's been wearing lately but I don't think I've seen him much with the desert fatigues. Maybe they're just a summer thing. On any account, this guy is noteably a kleptomaniac. He steals NUTS from the Coffee House. I mean it would kinda make sense if he stole FOOD because his welfare payments didn't quite cover the rent he probably doesn't pay, but he PAYS for food and steals 75 cent packages of NUTS on the side. Thats well.. thats just nutty. Hmm to be a more cliche journalist I shoulda worked that terrible nutty pun into the title of this article or something. Oh well.
` Tharen is a more unusual social deviant. Whereas Fatigue Guy and Visor Lady appear to most significantly be marginally insane, Tharen appears to be more along the lines of just plain retarded. And I don't mean that in a derisive way (yet I refuse to use silly euphenisms, retarded is the word.). He doesn't seem to be mongoloid or otherwise obviously retarted though.. its just that he walks around with waht my friend very accurately described today as "a shit eating grin" and HUGS anyone and everyone. The kid is like.. terminally friendly. The other day he didn't have enough money for the food he wanted to buy so Eddie, our assistant manager or whatever his position is (one of three career employees the CoHo has) paid for him.

` Now I saved THE VISOR LADY for last because I could prolly write an entire article about her alone. Basically she is a very short dumply grey haired old lady with a green visor who wears the same clothing every single day.. sleeps during the day in the lounge.. She apparently waters the potted plants, but its not her job.. she just took it upon herself because she's lame like that.
` So here I am talking to my friends in the MU (The building that houses the previously mentioned CoHo and lounge, for all y'all nonUCD readers), Student Focus senate candidates Sonia Kwon and Behzad Somethingsomethingsomething*, when who should show up but Visor Lady, whom I've never interacted with before. So she comes right up to me and stands there staring at me, interrupting our conversation.. her lower lip kinda quivers like she's about to explode. Then she waves her hand in front of my face and demands "can you see this???" I respond cautiously with "uh, yes?" and she explodes with "oh so you CAN see!!" like its an insult and storms off. We were of course, somewhat at a loss after that. For awhile I was left with a feeling of having been totally insulted, despite the fact that the "insult" obviously had no merit whatsoever, but eventually I got over it.
` So of course I was telling this story to anyone that would listen during the next two hours, and I came upon The Cute Cashier Girl (TCCG?), who responded with her own pile of Visor Lady stories.
` Apparently once one is on Visor Lady's bad side there's no getting off. TCCG apparently had Visor Lady come through her line, and pay for her food with a five. TCCG placed the five on the registered and made change for such; Visor Lady objected saying she had paid with a ten. "thats what you paid me right there, its a five" "no I paid with a ten".... In retaliation Visor Lady apparently proceeded to get a cup of hot water and stand reeally close to TCCG for the rest of her shift acting like she was about to spell it constantly. Heck she's got nothing better to do. Visor Lady came back through the next day and gave TCCG a "lesson in American money," ie "this is a one, this is a five.. this is a ten..." There were several more stories, but I think the other most impressive one was the one in which Visor Lady complained the refridgerator was out of Odwalla (a drink). "I'll get one from the other refridgerator over there, wait just a minute please" <Visor Lady proceeds to explode> "DON'T WAVE YOUR ARMS AT ME!! I'M NOT A FOOTBALL PLAYER, I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU SAY WHEN YOU WAVE YOUR ARMS AT ME!!!!!"
` So yea... thats what I have to look forward to. Weee.

*I do not necessarily endorse these people or anyone/thing else relating to ASUCD elections; that would be unconstitutional as ASUCD Supreme Court Justices are forbidden from such.


OTHER MORE PREFERABLE RANDOM PEOPLE
` Antoinette. Yes I met a girl named Antoinette today. How cool is that? I'd date her based on her name alone. And she's rather adorable too. I'm not sure if I'd ever talked to her before or if it was just another case of seeing someone around so often that one forgets one doesn't actually know them. That happened at this party last Friday; a girl I always see around said hi to me as we passed in the hallway, and then she so obviously did a doubletake as she realized we'd never met. It was great.
` Jackson Pritt. Yes, you may have heard of him. He writes a comic for the Aggie, and is generally well known around here. I saw him at the party last Friday. I've never officially met him but I know who he is. So he walks past me and I'm like "Jackson *nod*" and he's like "Kris *nod*." And it was just kind of amusing how we knew who eachother were.
` Customer 255. Okay I just randomly assigned that number, what do you want from me, the guy doesn't have a name. Well I don't know it. Anyway I'm walking through the CoHo one day and this random guy comes up to me and starts giving me a thorough review of the Szeschuan Beef. For a minute I am baffled, and then it all comes back to me: There I am, working the register, doing what I do, and this lad comes through the line and orders Szeschuan Beef. Being me I ask him how it tastes, and he doesn't know, hasn't had it before, but tells me he'll give me a full report when next he sees me...

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` Otherwise these last two days lets see... was home for like seven hours last night between coming back from The Show and going to work in the morning. That would explain the absence of a livejournal entry. Please forgive me. Please?
` The Show itself was of course the latest installment of The Lounge, not to be confused with The Lounge (note: not bolded. Man I'm bolding everything today though aren't I. A militantly quite location in the MU, near the CoHo, where it is sometimes convenient to sleep). Stars Are Falling, The List, and Growth of Alliance played. Midterms really decimated our attendance and there were only like 50 people there as compared to 250 last time. Hung out with the usual people, and the kids from BUI. Met Vanessa. She's a pirate.

` Topic suggustions were due to me this morning at sunrise from the Model UN chairs for our conference this spring (in my capacity as UnderSecretary-General of Chair Preparation). Because I'm me I set the due time at sunrise, which was 7:14am. Yes, I checked.

` And most important of all...

MY HEATER IS FINALLY FIXED!!!!!